Nina almost manages it—it's like tearing her own heart out, but with Matthias' voice right there, telling her to keep going, it's almost possible.
And then she feels him leaving, and it's like something inside of her shifts. She knows she could go on without him. She knows she could survive it, like she's survived civil wars and shipwrecks and even the parem, but it isn't fair. Matthias deserves better. He deserves better than a makeshift funeral in the middle of nowhere, deserves better than his life being cut short before he figures out exactly the kind of man he can be. And if she's failed him a million times before, she can't let herself fail him this time, too.
This time, it isn't a conscious thing. She doesn't try to force him back to life like she did in Ketterdam, but her outpouring of grief and anger does something... different, this time. She feels herself plunging into death like a river again, and she feels that inescapable push from the women and girls buried around them. Maybe that's what does it, finally. A gift in exchange for Nina's help.
Nina feels a sudden rush as her breath is forced from her lungs, like falling into cold water, and it's so sudden and forceful that she gasps, tipping forward and just barely catching herself with her hands. Beneath his wrappings, Matthias' chest moves, and Nina freezes, eyes locked on him.
no subject
And then she feels him leaving, and it's like something inside of her shifts. She knows she could go on without him. She knows she could survive it, like she's survived civil wars and shipwrecks and even the parem, but it isn't fair. Matthias deserves better. He deserves better than a makeshift funeral in the middle of nowhere, deserves better than his life being cut short before he figures out exactly the kind of man he can be. And if she's failed him a million times before, she can't let herself fail him this time, too.
This time, it isn't a conscious thing. She doesn't try to force him back to life like she did in Ketterdam, but her outpouring of grief and anger does something... different, this time. She feels herself plunging into death like a river again, and she feels that inescapable push from the women and girls buried around them. Maybe that's what does it, finally. A gift in exchange for Nina's help.
Nina feels a sudden rush as her breath is forced from her lungs, like falling into cold water, and it's so sudden and forceful that she gasps, tipping forward and just barely catching herself with her hands. Beneath his wrappings, Matthias' chest moves, and Nina freezes, eyes locked on him.